How to spot "the tool" at the bar

A comprehensive guide to help you figure out who is that guy with hugely over-inflated ego in your bar.

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Who is a "Tool" ?

The term “tool” is quite hard to define, but usually in slang it means an alpha male with hugely- inflated ego.

Ok, so the word tool gets thrown around a lot so we have decided to give you list that might help you identify them at your local.

Hardcore ones are fairly easy to spot, once you know what there are wearing.

The harvey
Photo by Gregory Hayes on Unsplash

The Harvey Specter.

The look: a very nice suit, nice hair- in general the best looking on our list.

Attitude: lovely with the ladies- especially bartenders, but to cool for anyone else.

The positives: throws cash everywhere, but credit card will max out soon, so get in early.

Drink: whiskey on the rocks

He has seen few too many episodes of suits and is wearing a suit what probably costs more than your car. With an arrogant little smile, seemingly unlimited credit card you want to stay close to this guy. He’ll keep buying you drinks to impress the ladies.

If you are a girl and you end up going for this guy just know you will be going to your place, he doesn’t want to wake up his mum.

Photo by Taylor on Unsplash

The artist

The look: Many different looks. If you see a homeless looking person in the bar you’ve probably found the artist.

Attitude: everything they do is right and obviously you are living your life wrong.

Positives: they do not smell as bad as they look.

Drink: home brew/ craft beer

This guy has taken every drug around and it really shows. When he starts to tell a story prepare for long pauses or him forgetting what you guys were talking about. Order a steak so you can get rid of him and miss a lecture on the environmental impact of meat. We all watched cowspiracy, you tool.

The peacock

The look: Wearing anything that grabs your eye, normally something bright.

Attitude: He thinks he is all that and he lets you know it.

Positives: You can be sarcastic with them and they won’t even notice because of their high ego.

Drinks: something frozen and full of sugar

The peacocks have been around forever, the main part of being a peacock is thinking they are better than anyone else. You will never really understand how he does not know that he is being ridiculous, but you don’t care because he makes you look good.

I became a cloud
Photo by Damir Spanic on Unsplash

The cloud,

The look: They have spent way too much time at the gym so their arms look like clouds

Attitude: well it depends- don’t make him angry or sad, he is very emotional.

Positives: You can eat their fatty foods, like fries

Drink: Water

This is a great way to get a free meal, fries are wasted carbs so when he has his grilled chicken dinner every hour your can have the fries. Score. Don’t try to hold long conversations with him, steroids have taken their toll and he could go either way in an argument.

The I am so Drunk guy

The Look: Drunk, stained shirt. You have now idea what he looks like sober

Attitude: Very chatty, not much sense to his conversation

Positives: He is gone well before midnight. Like Houdini he just disappears.

Drink: What did you get him?

You used to know this guy in high school. He has not changed too much, he does have a job you just don’t know what. He is quite funny that’s a positive, but he never makes it to the club. You used to worry about him but now you don’t.

Photo by Jens Lindner on Unsplash


The Look: Pretty much everything apart from the clothes the other tools wear

Attitude: Seems like a good guy, you could have a good night with him.

Positives: great to hang out after work.

Drink: Beer on tap

This guy is awesome, he is going to make a great wing man tonight. (is what you think to yourself). He can hold a conversation, drinks normal beer and seems pretty cool in general.

But after 2 drinks and 8pm he turns into Romeo and needs to go home to his wife. What a tool!

To sum it up

We can all be a bit toolish from time to time. So find a new bar, call a mate and go have a drink without being a tool! Cheers!

Jason Masson

Jason Masson

22 just out of college and love to find new and interesting drinking spots. My favourite bar is the next one I visit.

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